Time is all I need
just a little more time
alone, with my thoughts,
and dreams to fill my mind
with love, and the painful beauty
or what could have been.
love through it all
Love yourself a little harder now
through the pain that came from your own hands
through the pain in your body
through the fear of the world out there.
Love yourself through it all
today
and tomorrow
and the next.
song on the radio
I travel back in time
to me and him
I remember where we were
how I felt
and a bittersweet smile grows on my face.
real as a dream
I can see you standing beside me
talking to me
looking at me
I can feel you touching me
skin to skin.
There, on the driveway,
dropping me off outside the door
lingering for goodnight.
Our lips join in fireworks
the pattern rehearsed.
My mind plays games with me,
this dreamworld.
You know as well as I
we never saw each other again
and likely never will.
I want to believe in her
I want to believe in my body
I want to believe we can do this,
that we were meant to do this.
I know she’s strong
I know she would do amazing
come through on the other side
successful.
I know she’s capable of anything.
I know her
and I want to believe in her
but with every month that passes
it feels harder and harder to believe.
Maybe,
I don’t know my body that well after all.
waiting and betting
Waiting
any day now
betting
on whether the blood will come
the same way
I’ve waited and betted
on countless days before.
listen to her whispers
Listen to her whispers.
They come from deep within
telling you what you already know,
reminding you of what you need
reminding you of what you’re meant to do
and nudging you forwards,
towards them.
Listen to her whispers
follow them
before they become screams.
cotton and down
If I could stay
here, wrapped tight in cotton and down,
I would feel safe, protected,
from everyone
including myself.
I cannot lose myself
Even if
I must sit here for hours
waiting for my mind to find stable ground
and step off the race track,
I will wait
as long as it takes.
If I do not wait for myself,
what I lose
is me.
whispers of the snowfall
Stay at home with your family.
Light a candle, bundle a blanket.
Travel only if you must.
Slow down, relax, take a breath.
Turn down the volume to find quiet.
Remember,
the world may be hard
but it’s also soft, and gentle.
Dawning Words 