play. challenge. try again.

Why are you drowning in the worry,
in the anxiety,
of trying again?
You are a different person now
than when you tried it before.

You fear breaking the rules
that only exist
because you placed them upon yourself.
Let them go.
Take the rug and shake it out the back door
watch those dusty, useless rules
scatter into the wild, outdoor air
and settle somewhere else.

Be in this life to play, to create,
to challenge.
Be in this life to follow the beat
of your own heart
and sing her song.

holding back, holding out

Hovering over the page
filled with worry
of wasting my time
of producing nothing of value
finally, after all this time, realizing
that I don’t have to offer
what I believed.

I can no longer be afraid
of making shitty art.
Art is art.

Holding back, holding out,
for the perfect words to come
has led to weeks of nothingness.

Making the less-than-desirable, the difficult,
the imperfect,
moves me forward.


bread crumbs and snowflakes

Give my mind a bread crumb
immediately
it wants the entire loaf.

What next thing should we do?
How will each detail look?
What will the 15th step be?

One flake of snow
growing into a snowman
in less than a minute.

For goodness sake, just slow down.
Stay here, in this moment,
without worrying and planning for a future
that might not happen.
Appreciate the here and now
without wanting to become bigger.

One bread crumb,
one snowflake,
one at a time.

light to guide me back

I lost her
I wonder where she went
why she felt the need to get away.

I have been separated from this page
it feels like an eternity
do I remember how to do this?

Extending compassion
into a space hollow and dark
offers light,
light to guide me back.

with each step forward

I am walking along an unmarked trail
through the forests of a mountain range
where tree roots extend and appear
at the tip of my foot,
where boulders roll down the hillside
kicking up dust to infiltrate my eyes,
where I look for any small sign
of grass and dirt worn down by feet before me,
for I have not seen a sign for some time.

I hear the calls of animals
jostling through the leaves and branches.
Though I cannot see them
i assume them as more powerful than I,
with strength, size and a desire to kill
I cannot match.

Trees close in on me
as leaves become thick and air becomes dense.
I welcome it.
The pressure slows down my racing heart
and forces my chest to unravel.
Weigh heavy on me.

The only way out
is to keep along the invisible path
I make with each step forward,
whether small, side-stepped or stumbled.

I will know lightness again.

broken record

The record spins.
Always spinning, it never stops
because it’s broken.

Spinning inside my head, inside my chest,
though at first the music sounds beautiful,
it’s off-key.

Spinning before my eyes
the people, creatures,
juggling balls flying through the air,
everything is moving.

“By trying to control everything
you end up controlling nothing.
Not that you can control anything, anyway.”

The record keeps spinning.
The record keeps playing.
Broken.

voices in the rain

Raindrops fall from the sky
soft and quiet at first,
then heavy and loud,
washing away the collections of dirt and dust,
gifting the ground, and all that rises from it,
with a new heartbeat.

I hear voices in my head.
They tell me what I’m supposed to do and when.
When I don’t listen, they scream at me
until I conform,
giving them the victory.
I recognize them, I know who they belong to,
familiarity offers no advantages.

I can hear the rain through closed windows,
rhythmic.
I wonder if it knows how much power it carries,
how much we depend on it.

Open the door to immerse my body
in this falling magic.
Wash away the voices down the gutter
to hear my own at last.
This is how I find peace today.

true motives

It’s a funny thing
to realize, before my eyes
the true motives behind the plan
I had crafted for days,
perfecting every detail in my mind’s eye.

The truth stung me like a wasp.
Still, it hurts.