If I could stay
here, wrapped tight in cotton and down,
I would feel safe, protected,
from everyone
including myself.
Tag: anxiety
I cannot lose myself
Even if
I must sit here for hours
waiting for my mind to find stable ground
and step off the race track,
I will wait
as long as it takes.
If I do not wait for myself,
what I lose
is me.
rough days
Everyone has rough days
days they wish no one would ever see
and maybe
it works out that you don’t see those days
for them
but they see those days
for you.
You cannot see a person
for brief moments of time
and believe you know everything about them.
turtles do it, too
When you see yourself
from a distance
retreating back and away,
into your shell
and away from the world,
you can understand
why turtles do it, too.
shaking on fire
Lightning and thunder
alternate
sight and sound,
sight and sound,
shocking me into submissive fear
until I shatter,
and collapse.
Thunder rumbles through the ground
rolling me like water in a boiling pot.
Lightning strikes
to set me on fire,
then the thunder roars again.
Shaking
on fire.
yesterday, today, tomorrow
Yesterday
the sun never shone,
never emerged from behind the clouds,
hell, I don’t even know if it was there.
I existed in darkness.
I cannot say I lived in darkness
for I barely felt alive.
I just was.
Weights wrapped tight around my ankles
and a boulder on my chest
kept me in the darkness,
not that I wanted to leave, anyway.
What is the point of all this?
Today
I felt the sun penetrating my skin
while my eyes remained closed in sleep.
I see no clouds in the sky,
just the sun
beaming down on everything, and me.
I still feel the boulder
but my ankles move free
and I marvel at this gift of life
and light.
Tomorrow
offers only guesses at the sun’s intentions
and my mind’s interpretation.
I could check the forecast,
anticipate a plan to bring success and light
but it would be all for nothing
as history dictates.
Yesterday
I was handcuffed in the trunk.
Today
I sit in the driver’s seat.
Tomorrow
there could be a flat tire.
Up and down, and side to side
strapped tight into this roller coaster seat
I sit, blindfolded,
holding on to me, for dear life.
All I have,
is me,
now.
chance to be free
See what happens
when you open the door
let your thoughts fly out
and share them?
There’s a chance of being hurt
but more,
a chance to be free.
brave enough
Let me be vulnerable
and brave
enough
to own fully all that I am
no matter
how similar
or different
I am, compared to you.
the grass and the dirt
Threading the blades of grass
between my fingers
and toes
picking up small particles of dirt
from the soil beneath
reconnects me to the Earth
grounding
calming me back to centre.
This, right here,
is all I have.
Everything I see and think in my mind
are not here with me.
Only the grass and the dirt
are.
one foot in front of the other
One foot
in front of the other
over and over
will walk you away
from the thoughts and voices
telling you
you are not okay.
Dawning Words 