Tag: anxiety

There is so much noise

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

So many words
by so many people
out there,
telling me not to trust myself
telling me how to find my purpose
telling me how to take control of my life.

There is so much noise filling my head
telling me to do this or that,
that I cannot trust myself
and I likely do not have control of me,
leaving me in a disarray
screaming into a pillow
in an attempt to escape the noise.

I spend more time reading about
and listening to
people who preach what to do,
by the time I’m done
I feel more confused about what to do
than before I started.

Wise are these words, yes,
but so too are those within me
which have led me to who
and where I am now.
Perhaps they deserve more attention
than those screaming at me from
beyond,
as they whisper softly from within,
“I know how to help you.”

the tidal wave

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

I have stayed away,
kept my distance,
for fear that if I came too close
and opened the door
the tidal wave would erupt,
tearing down the door and the frame
with nothing to stop the water
until it slowed down to a stream.

I thought I needed time,
more lumber and nails,
to build the frame stronger
to make it withstand the force
building.  I could feel it building
against the back of my eyes
within the cage of my chest
around the bones in my hands.

To wait just a while longer
would allow the wave to rescind
and I could open the door just a crack,
letting out the water I wanted,
under my control.
Believed this, I did.

Now, here I stand,
with the door open wide
and only a trickle of water passing
around and over my feet.
The anticipated wave is gone,
and only a small, calm pond lies
in the distance.

I was ready for the wave.
I expected and wanted it.
Still it has not come
leaving my dry skin uncomfortable
like a garden yearning to grow
with the promise of rain
that never delivers.

The wave will come again I know
to not be denied past my door.
I can only guess when or where
but I will be there
armed with paper and a pen.

dividing wall

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

Please, I ask for your patience
as I chip away slowly at the wall
dividing you from me.

I understand the divide it enforces
because I feel it too,
although most times, I enjoy it.
That’s the problem,
for you despite it.

Keep trying I will,
to knock it down and prevent rebuilding
when I look the other way.

 

frustrations

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

I am mindful and present
with my frustrations,
acknowledging them
giving them power, more than they deserve.

Holding frustrations over situations beyond my control
weighs me down,
noticeably so.

Give them away
so I can give more of myself to you.
Give, in hopes that you
will give too.

What to make of this

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

Days, evenings,
once demanding planning
preparation and time away
now look at me with blank stares
seeking purpose, fulfillment.

What to make of this newfound time,
this gift, this opportunity.

What to make of my racing mind
battling unease
grasping for structure
where there is none.

Breathe.

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

Breathe.
Breathe.
Just breathe.
Step back and take another look,
at everything.
See the storm clouds rolling away
with every exhale.
Watch until your eyes believe
and your heart understands
that this will pass,
and peace has always been here,
and can be.

theme parks

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

I visit a different theme park
every day it seems,
one day filled with roller coasters
and the next with gentle swings.

Today the air is warm and bright
filled with laughter, sun and cheer,
but a storm passed through a few days ago
of darkness, thunder and fear.

I never know what the weather will be
or what theme park I will attend,
but each day begins with opportunity and hope
that I shall seek to capture and defend.