after some time away

Wading through the murky waters
of words that don’t make sense together
but I write them together anyway
hoping they can make it work
but realizing on the second read-through
that no, it doesn’t work.

Wading through the muddy waters
realizing how muddy they can get
after spending time on dry land for a while,
I cannot expect to jump right in
to the crystal clear blue lake on the first page,
or the fifth.

Trudging through the mud and the muck,
the frustrations, shame and self-doubt
squish out from underneath my boots
to float up and around me in a haze.
At least I’m getting them up and out
to meet them in the eye.

With each step, the mud recedes,
and the clarity expands.
Just keep going,
just keep writing.

my mind running away

I think back to years ago
recalling small, singular events
of you, and me, and us.

I start with what I remember,
then my mind switches to imagination
and runs away.

As it runs away
it conjures stories and conversations
I know never happened,
but are real enough behind my eyes
I sit confused, uncertain.

Did we kiss?
Did we date?
Did we love each other?
Or,
did we end before we could begin?

passing the light

You ran away with my light
hours away
into a thick, dark forest
where I could not trace you.

Then, you gave it to him
so I could chase after him instead,
who held it for mere minutes
before passing it on again.

Now, my light is constant
burning bright through the night
amidst occasional flickers,
like lights do.

Where is your light now,
who does it burn for?

leave this pain behind

I want to run away, escape,
leave this pain behind
in my rearview mirror
and dust.

I have learned what it sought
to teach me,
know where I still need to grow
and even how pain can help.
I know this. I understand this.
But I want it to go away.