I live my life through the words I write
Everyone has rough days
days they wish no one would ever see
and maybe
it works out that you don’t see those days
for them
but they see those days
for you.
You cannot see a person
for brief moments of time
and believe you know everything about them.
We can pretend
to act out of primal need,
let our bodies lead us
where we’re meant to go,
we can pretend
we’re living a different life.
We can pretend
until we can’t anymore.
The shade will only rest here
for so long
before the moving sun
will outrun the stationary house
to come over the rooftop
and find me,
take away my solace,
roast me.
The shade retreats further
under the sun’s ominous power,
shrinking.
Here I will stay
as long as possible,
until it’s gone.
Here I will stay
until it’s time to move on.
The grass, and lawns,
once dry and brown and crunchy
come alive again
in harmonies of green and softness
after a long, gentle summer rain.
Before and after.
Before I met you
and after I met you –
two completely different people.
I think
I hope
people are starting to see
how we, our systems,
were broken
and we had no idea
how bad they were broken
until one thing happened
and another
and another
until we’re standing in the rubble
realizing
we need to build a new way
out of this.
My world has been turned
upside down because of you,
when you first entered it
and now, as you’re leaving.
I feel the ground crumble beneath my feet,
what I believed to be long-lasting
is not.
People come and people go,
including you.
I will join you in your excitement
and hold no resentment,
but this place will not be the same without you.
I will find a new way forward
though I don’t want to.
The longer I stay,
the brighter the room becomes,
light natural and free
illuminates,
until everything feels different.
Time has passed, and brought change.
The longer I stay,
the more change I witness,
and appreciate.
We can see
hundreds of different sunsets
all in one night,
a kaleidoscope of colors,
where to look away even for a minute
and look back again,
decorates our eyes with a brand new view,
and we wonder,
at how fast change happens.
We can see this,
marvel at and treasure
our lives, and how fast change happens,
with this same sense of wonder
if we choose.
Just look at the trees,
look at their willingness to
embrace change,
let go of what they no longer need
and try again later,
when the Earth warms again in spring.
How easily they can let go
is how I, too, need to let go.
This too will pass all too quickly:
the warm heat of summer
enveloping me as I walk out the door,
nurturing and nourishing life to grow,
drawing us out, to the outdoors,
to allow nature to care for us.
In the distance, the trees boast a new
palette of colors,
from yellow to orange to red
and every shade between.
Dollops of paint scatter on the ground.
A beautiful reminder of change drawing near,
for change is always drawing near.
But for now, all we have is today.
Enjoy this time of in-between seasons,
the shades of seasons’ grey
along the spectrum of white to black
with no right or wrong,
just now.
Just here, now.
Dawning Words 