only my waves will hit me

I will not swim away or under from
cresting waves of my own making
or destiny
but I carry no obligation to anyone
to accept and withstand
brutality of crashing water
of their own making
when only by circumstance do I happen
to be standing in the projected path.

When a tidal wave comes
I can choose
to cling to my surfboard
to dive beneath the wave
hold my breath
and emerge on the other side
where clear, calm water awaits me.

darkness chooses for me

I understand the need to look
for happiness
and that choosing it
is just that: a choice.

Despite this,
I cannot choose it easily
when all I see in front of me
is its opposite.
I settle in on the darkness
it seems,
before I even make a choice.
The darkness chooses for me,
and will not let me go.

You stay through it all
and say you love me.