Tag: control

I am not one to let coffee go to waste

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

For how long
have I been living on autopilot?
Living the same cycles
over and over again
without critical analysis
of my intentions, purposes,
beliefs,
values?

Was it a method of survival,
sticking close to what I knew
and could trust,
when so much beyond
felt out of control,
despairing?

Was it an avoidance of vulnerability,
of coming face to face
with my deeper self
and acknowledging the change I wanted,
dreamed of,
but did not dare manifest?

Now, with space,
the questions and reflections pour into me
like a hot cup of coffee
filling the mug,
reaching the brim
and overflowing.

I can avoid them no longer
as a pool of coffee collects around the cup
and I am not one
to let coffee go to waste.

small steps in the dark

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

For the part of my brain
that thrives on planning
having no concrete plan
leaves me wondering what to do
like putting one foot in front of the other
in a pitch black room
I have never been in before
earnestly reaching out for anything
any clue of place or floorplan
taking the wrong step
feels scarier
than taking no step at all.

Eventually
my eyes will adjust to the darkness
if only slightly.
I need to keep moving
somehow.
Small, cautious steps
are better than none –
I whisper to myself
over and over.
Rewiring my brain
thought by thought
step by step.

trusting life

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

Trust that life is unfolding
before you
according to a plan
even though
you do not know what the plan is.

Trust that the universe
supports you
and is supporting you
even in ways you cannot see.

Trust that things happen for a reason.
Some will forever lay
beyond your control
and maybe that’s for the best.

only my waves will hit me

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

I will not swim away or under from
cresting waves of my own making
or destiny
but I carry no obligation to anyone
to accept and withstand
brutality of crashing water
of their own making
when only by circumstance do I happen
to be standing in the projected path.

When a tidal wave comes
I can choose
to cling to my surfboard
to dive beneath the wave
hold my breath
and emerge on the other side
where clear, calm water awaits me.

love and compassion

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

No matter the degree
of mental preparation
of hours spent visualizing potential outcomes
sometimes
things just happen
beyond our control
and it is in those times where we need
love and compassion
above all else.

whole body trust

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

This last attempt will go as planned
but this time, according to my schedule.
My body says she’s ready,
and I believe her.
I trust her.
I know she’s looking out for me.

May the weeks unfold ahead
as they are meant.

With my whole body,
I trust.

broken record

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

The record spins.
Always spinning, it never stops
because it’s broken.

Spinning inside my head, inside my chest,
though at first the music sounds beautiful,
it’s off-key.

Spinning before my eyes
the people, creatures,
juggling balls flying through the air,
everything is moving.

“By trying to control everything
you end up controlling nothing.
Not that you can control anything, anyway.”

The record keeps spinning.
The record keeps playing.
Broken.