Remove temptation;
create space to re-focus.
The best time is now.
Tag: create
reclaiming safety
I had a safe space.
I invited people in.
I realized
my decision was premature
too late.
My safe space dissolved
into an empty void
for months,
tainted by the destruction
I had invited in,
in naivete.
A piece of me broke away.
Remembering
if I made it once
I can make it again
and this time,
add an extra padlock on the door.
No one expects an invitation
so I disregard any felt obligation
to extend one.
Reclaiming safety
for my soul.
A new journal, a new pen
My counselor,
her name is Marcela,
assigned homework for me
during my last therapy session.
She said I had to go out
buy a notebook of visual appeal
alongside a high-grade pen.
The idea was to stimulate my creativity
with a notebook I liked to look at
and a pen I liked to write with
to make the experience enjoyable and enticing
to draw me in
to create for the sake of creating
to help me re-connect with this part of me
that, at times, seems to be fading.
So
one day after work I went to the bookstore.
I looked for a journal to catch my eye.
Funny how, at the same time,
my mind automatically eliminated some
because they looked too expensive.
Or,
I would find one that looked pretty
but my mind would convince me it wasn’t right
because of the size
because of the binding
because of the line spacing
because of the ‘fanciness’
because of the price.
If any journal held these qualities too well,
I told myself,
I would feel inherent pressure
to create content of high esteem, high value,
worthy enough to live between its covers
thereby creating more pressure
and likely, shying away from
scribbling out thoughts
for the mere purpose of releasing them.
What should have been instinctual
and taken seconds
took me minutes and minutes
standing in front of the journals
wrestling with my mind.
At last, I landed on this one.
Different than any I’ve had before
a thought-provoking cover
and on sale.
I chose a package of pens
I knew I would like
even though I could clearly see
the dozens of unused, good-enough pens
waiting at home.
A new journal
a new pen
starting a new journey
while I was away from home
in the mountains
looking for a reset
seemed fitting.
Connecting the stars within me
into constellations
bringing me back to myself
one page at a time
ink and words flowing.
put on a new show
The old is familiar
and mindless
but is that really what you want?
Expose your mind
to the never-seen-before.
It will be OK.
You know how to protect yourself.
You can explore new things
and maybe even
discover new joy.
Putting on your old favorite show
for background noise
ends up being what you watch anyways
for the eleventh time
and when it’s done
and the pages remain empty
you feel empty too.
Challenge yourself.
You can put on a new show
allow it to captivate you
and simultaneously
spark inspiration for your words.
You can have it both ways,
which is what you want, anyway.
Stop putting yourself in boxes
behind barricades.
You’re capable of more than you realize
or imagine.
silence and solace and freedom
I have a safe space
new, but familiar,
where I can escape and spend hours
in my imagination
just like I used to do
when I was young
in the sacred spaces of silence
I could carve out, from reality.
Reuniting with my childhood joy,
I create moments of quiet
for my eyes to rest closed,
drift my body into a half-asleep trance
and let my mind roam free.
Characters, storylines, dialogue,
they all come alive here
weaving into and away from each other
I begin in one place
to end somewhere else, far away
and brand new.
The freedom I feel here
I feel no where else.
Silence and solace and freedom.
play. challenge. try again.
Why are you drowning in the worry,
in the anxiety,
of trying again?
You are a different person now
than when you tried it before.
You fear breaking the rules
that only exist
because you placed them upon yourself.
Let them go.
Take the rug and shake it out the back door
watch those dusty, useless rules
scatter into the wild, outdoor air
and settle somewhere else.
Be in this life to play, to create,
to challenge.
Be in this life to follow the beat
of your own heart
and sing her song.
holding back, holding out
Hovering over the page
filled with worry
of wasting my time
of producing nothing of value
finally, after all this time, realizing
that I don’t have to offer
what I believed.
I can no longer be afraid
of making shitty art.
Art is art.
Holding back, holding out,
for the perfect words to come
has led to weeks of nothingness.
Making the less-than-desirable, the difficult,
the imperfect,
moves me forward.
closer to heart
You can build up, create, in your mind,
what you believe to be the perfect way
to tell your story.
Down to the pauses, and tone of voice,
you can perfect it all.
Keep your truth, your excitement,
closer to heart than their reactions.
keep me in silence
Keep me in silence
oh mind,
let words not build in my throat
and escape my lips.
Keep the picture show reeling
behind my eyes, though open,
where I can be the sole attendee
and watch the scenes play out
over and over again.
Keep me in silence
as long as you can
so I can escape
to anywhere.
fictional girl
If I can embody
myself
what I have created for her,
maybe
I can reclaim the connection
to her
I feel, in fear, I have lost.
Dawning Words 