One foot
in front of the other
over and over
will walk you away
from the thoughts and voices
telling you
you are not okay.
Tag: depression
together in the dark
Tower over me like a tree
thickening the air with leaves and branches
until all the light is blocked
and it’s just you and me
beneath,
together in the dark.
maybe this time will be different
You think you’ve finally done it,
done it right and at the right time,
maybe this time it will be different.
No.
It’s the same as any other.
The pain from your mind, heart and uterus
submerges you in blood
until you emerge, days later.
The pain from the uterus may retreat
but from the mind and heart, does not.
It lingers
and grows
and swells for weeks
until next month, when again,
you’ll think you’ve finally done it
and then you wait
in hopeful optimism
that this time will be different.
feel the sun
Coming out the other side
of the tunnel, long and dark,
where I can feel the sun again.
Not completely through,
but further along than yesterday
and the day before.
Keep chasing the sun
until I can plant both feet
and leave a shadow behind.
engulf
All happiness is gone,
sucked and drained out of me
by a baster
that feels small, but powerful.
I see it transfer all it took from me
and walk far away into the distance
to somewhere and someone else.
I am left here,
this hollow, void shell of a body
with nothing inside.
I see other people
who have fought off these basters
or never encountered them at all,
and don’t want to be near them
for when comparisons start
and I pretend to be full like them
the void magnifies,
and engulfs me.
It engulfs me.
darkness chooses for me
I understand the need to look
for happiness
and that choosing it
is just that: a choice.
Despite this,
I cannot choose it easily
when all I see in front of me
is its opposite.
I settle in on the darkness
it seems,
before I even make a choice.
The darkness chooses for me,
and will not let me go.
You stay through it all
and say you love me.
the clouds come back
Just as soon as I am laughing and smiling,
basking in the warm afternoon sun,
the clouds come back
and the fog settles in,
pushing me back down, down to the ground again.
In an instant everything changes.
How can it happen so fast?
I scarcely had time to enjoy being happy
before my mind took it away again.
back into balance
Knowledge and behavior
relate and connect to each other in numerous ways,
but their connection is not direct,
nor guaranteed.
When the scale unbalances,
the ripples extend beyond the water’s edge.
Knowledge, thought, reasoning,
have always tipped the scale unbalanced for me,
casting waves upon the shoreline
drenching the stubborn human on the shore
who does not move out of the wave’s path.
But now is the time for change.
Now is the time to move my feet
around in the sand,
listening to and understanding the water
and responding to it.
Now is the time to shift the scale
back into balance.
Dawning Words 