I live my life through the words I write
I see how hard you push yourself
to chase your dreams
and become the best version of you.
It will never end,
this admirable quest you pursue.
Even when you feel alone
and question your purpose,
keep going,
for I see you,
and I believe in you.
I cannot remember a more vivid dream
than the artistry
which played behind my eyes
as the morning sun slowly adorned my eyelids
and danced with me.
You danced with me.
You held me, listened to me,
and it felt so real
I could feel your skin on mine,
I could hear your voice, familiar.
It was as though you were waiting for me,
like you have been waiting for me
all this time,
more than I deserve.
Then, simultaneously
my eyes open and well with tears, to realize
it was all in my head.
I can see you in my dreams
almost as clear as stars in the sky.
I can see this fictional world
crafted behind my eyes
and attempted to craft on paper.
You began behind my eyes
and live there every day,
help me go to sleep
daydream
and accompany long drives.
The part of me that never developed
until now.
Time is all I need
just a little more time
alone, with my thoughts,
and dreams to fill my mind
with love, and the painful beauty
or what could have been.
Waking up with the shadows
dark figures following me
as I meander through unconsciousness
to find my lost self.
They linger
after I wake, open my eyes,
they stay with me.
Today the shining rays of sun
only enhance their darkness
rather than making them retreat.
I will join you again tonight
if you leave, for now.
Will I feel those same feelings
I felt the last time
if I were to see you again?
If I will,
does that mean
I should never see you again?
I can see through you,
trying to disguise yourself
and using other bodies as vessels
just to get to me
as I try to push you away.
I admire your persistence though.
I would probably do the same thing
myself.
I turn around,
take a look back at my past self,
read old journals
relive near-forgotten memories
and I think of her.
I yearn for her,
the young girl who thought
she had it all figured out,
a naive romantic
a dreamer.
What would it be like
to step back into those worn out Adidas shoes
and take in again her optimistic hopes
of the future, of the world beyond?
I ache for her pain,
revel in her happiness.
Some parts of her remain
in me
and other parts
I wish to recover from the buried sand.
There it is.
I thought I had lost it
let it fall through my fingers
all the while watching
it fall.
At the last moment
with focus re-tuned
reaching, grasping,
I caught it.
There it is.
I dreamt of you last night
or at least
I thought it was you.
Different than I remembered;
different beginning
different ending
different us.
Ah, what might have been
and what will never be.
Dawning Words 