the unique becomes the universal

Trees, forests, water
and time away from home
pulled my heart to the north,
to Waskesiu.

For years
I have heard, from people countless,
of Waskesiu being included in their summer plans
and each spoke of the place
with such fondness
that it made me want to stay away.
I did not want to find joy
in the same place as so many others
for fear that doing so
would render me ‘common’, ‘basic’,
or ‘just the same as everyone else’.
I fiercely believed
I needed to be different;
I needed to find a different place
to nourish myself
so I could stand apart from the crowd.
My mind told my heart
I was not allowed to go there;
I would not be happy in being the same.

With shifting priorities and family structures
this year, Waskesiu made sense
and yet,
I remained determined to spend the time
in a way that afterwards
when I shared my story
it would land outside what I assumed to be
the ‘typical’ experience.

We rented a cabin,
we brought our five-and-a-half month-old puppy,
we cooked our own food,
we hiked kilometers of trails.

We encountered hundreds of people
and dozens of dogs
and as I observed my surroundings
I saw people
laughing and talking and playing together,
running, reading, chasing after each other,
enjoying time alone,
in family gatherings spanning generations.

My eyes scanned the beaches
painted with rainbows of towels, umbrellas and bathing suits,
picnic tables holding families and food,
and hiking trails leading the way
deep into the forests
otherwise unseen from the main roads.

As I watched these hundreds of people
each in their own way
connecting with nature,
I felt my need for competition,
my need to be different,
my fear of fitting in,
fade away.
Instead, I began to think about
how many people
every summer
come to places like this
to be amongst the trees, on the sand, in the water,
away from home –
somehow
hundreds, if not thousands,
of people find some degree of reprieve and restoration
in coming here.

The unique becomes the universal.

I began to understand
the scenes before my eyes
illustrated a commonality
connecting us to our humanity –
that being in nature,
feeling the sun on our skin,
squeezing sand between our toes,
breathing in the pine of the forest
and living amongst the wilderness
are perhaps inherent needs
to us as human beings.

Perhaps it’s a need for me to wholly embrace,
rather than hold at an arm’s distance
in fear of this collective commonality,
what I need to nourish my soul.

Sameness is not always the enemy.

shifting

Periods of writing
have become few and far between.

Me,
settling into the slowness
of the lingering winter season
with her cool air and cloudy skies.

I grant permission
to embrace slowness.

This is a time to absorb
creativity around me,
to focus less on creating.

Shifting projects, priorities,
selecting new sources of inspiration.

Seasons shift,
evolve,
surprise and endure.

I trust my body and mind

I trust
that right now
my body and mind need rest.

I trust
that my body and mind
are recuperating, in alignment with their needs.

I trust
that feeling good, feeling happy,
tells me my body and mind
are receiving what they need
and that it’s OK for me to feel good right now.

I trust
that I do not need to stay in the misery
to justify or exemplify
the pain residing still in my body
for it may never leave.

I trust
that I am right where I need to be.

I trust
that my body and mind will tell me
in their own way
when they are ready, again.

trusting life

Trust that life is unfolding
before you
according to a plan
even though
you do not know what the plan is.

Trust that the universe
supports you
and is supporting you
even in ways you cannot see.

Trust that things happen for a reason.
Some will forever lay
beyond your control
and maybe that’s for the best.

I came home to my body

I came home to my body today.
There she was, waiting for me
with an embrace to wrap me twice around.
I listened to what she needed,
I shared with her my desires,
we worked together.
Partners.
I had forgotten what her love felt like,
how much she has to give.
I remember now,
now that I’m back home.

smooth, soft, sky

Sky painted by an ombre
blue to pink to grey to white
a continuous gradient
smooth as a hardwood floor,
no clouds to ruffle the texture up.

Wrap me in the softness
as it descends upon me like a
fresh-from-the-dryer bedsheet
whipped high above the bed to,
in each fibre’s own time,
grace upon the mattress
and skin.

this time will be different

Time and time again
I’m knocked down to my knees
by an event of immense magnitude
because all the smaller signs along the way,
I’ve missed.

Tragedy, sickness, death,
these are what it takes for me to stop,
re-evaluate my priorities,
make space to enjoy this gift of a life
I’ve been blessed to receive.

Maybe this time will be different.
Maybe this time I will carry forward
the gratitude, the presence,
the love I have found again.

I need this time to be different,
and will make it so.

Accept today

Accept that today is a different day
than yesterday.
Each day stands on its own.
A good day yesterday
cannot guarantee carryover to today.

Accept today for what it is,
what it has been already, and what it can be.
Make the best of it that you can
for that act, in itself, is a success
worth celebrating.