Tag: mental illness

emotions from a wild mind

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

Taking control over me
they have climbed into the driver’s seat
to steer off in a new direction
deviating so far from where I was
and wanted to stay.
Emotions
turned free from a wild mind
to cause mayhem and disrupt the planned route,
pushing me to the cliff’s edge
without my feet ever touching the ground.

Too far to turn back around,
I cannot jump back on to the ledge
once I descend in air,
so I fall
and drag you with me.

If only I could take a firmer hold of the wheel
and stay in the lane,
I would.

engulf

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

All happiness is gone,
sucked and drained out of me
by a baster
that feels small, but powerful.

I see it transfer all it took from me
and walk far away into the distance
to somewhere and someone else.
I am left here,
this hollow, void shell of a body
with nothing inside.

I see other people
who have fought off these basters
or never encountered them at all,
and don’t want to be near them
for when comparisons start
and I pretend to be full like them
the void magnifies,
and engulfs me.

It engulfs me.

A wave crashes

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

A wave crashes into the sand,
the sand unmarked and smooth
with no footprint left of human or animal,
smooth.

A wave crashes into the sand,
obliterating any remnant peace or calm
once there,
leaving rough, disturbed rocks
strewn about haphazardly
as the water rescinds back into the ocean.

A wave crashes into the sand
like a monster rears his head,
with destruction looming
even while he waits, patiently,
to attack.

my face tells the story

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

My face often gives it away;
how I’m really feeling
without a need for accompanying words.

Lately,
it tells of inner turmoil,
expectations too high for me to reach
and overflowing from my plate,
excessive concern and worry
and wishing that things were different,
that I was different.

Raised, reddened bumps
with under-eye shadows
and a new crease or two I do not recall before;
they really tell the story.

the clouds come back

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

Just as soon as I am laughing and smiling,
basking in the warm afternoon sun,
the clouds come back
and the fog settles in,
pushing me back down, down to the ground again.

In an instant everything changes.
How can it happen so fast?
I scarcely had time to enjoy being happy
before my mind took it away again.

black or white

~ jennadawn ~ Leave a comment

Maybe I don’t need to be here or there,
one place or another,
black or white.
There must be shades of grey in between
across the spectrum,
where we can still be together
but get as close to the black and white
as we can
without losing the grey completely.

Maybe I can have pieces of it all
without inflicting self-destruction,
without being all-or-nothing.

Maybe all I need to do is ask.