I live my life through the words I write
Listen to the birds,
how they gently chirp and sing
with each other
to each other
their voices trailing in and out
amongst the breeze.
Try to emulate them.
Change your volume, tone,
and pace
to harmonize with the Earth,
not overpower.
Watch how your mind softens
your mind calms
your breath lengthens.
Experience, and embrace,
the transformation.
Empty beer bottles line the windowsill,
collecting dust down through their necks
to mix in with the last few drops of alcohol
not consumed,
nor rinsed out and down the sink.
Lined up in a row
they tell a story of the evenings past
filling our stomachs with barley and malt
until they reached our minds
and made us feel better.
Some are yours, some are mine,
but we drank them together
talking, smiling and laughing,
liking each other.
For me, at least.
How many beers will it take
for us to tell each other
how we really feel?
You think you’ve finally done it,
done it right and at the right time,
maybe this time it will be different.
No.
It’s the same as any other.
The pain from your mind, heart and uterus
submerges you in blood
until you emerge, days later.
The pain from the uterus may retreat
but from the mind and heart, does not.
It lingers
and grows
and swells for weeks
until next month, when again,
you’ll think you’ve finally done it
and then you wait
in hopeful optimism
that this time will be different.
Taking control over me
they have climbed into the driver’s seat
to steer off in a new direction
deviating so far from where I was
and wanted to stay.
Emotions
turned free from a wild mind
to cause mayhem and disrupt the planned route,
pushing me to the cliff’s edge
without my feet ever touching the ground.
Too far to turn back around,
I cannot jump back on to the ledge
once I descend in air,
so I fall
and drag you with me.
If only I could take a firmer hold of the wheel
and stay in the lane,
I would.
People say all the right things,
make the opportune gestures,
and be everything we want them to be,
ourselves included.
Perfection is attainable,
if we can meet the right person
where everything will fall into place.
That’s the trouble,
and addicting allure,
of daydreaming.
Sometimes
all it takes,
is listening to
and empathizing with others
to realize,
no matter how real
my pain and struggles may seem,
my mind often gets the better of me
and turns mole hills
into mountains.
Work it out,
like a tangled, tight knot
in the back of your neck
that when your fingers land on it
after searching across skin for miles,
it’s like finding buried treasure.
Flex the fingers,
open wide the treasure box
then dig deep, down,
until you find the bottom.
I find buried treasure all over
and throughout my body,
but this large box before me
was difficult to open.
My flexed fingers digging in deep
will show me what’s inside,
for everything is treasure
if viewed with an open mind.
Days, evenings,
once demanding planning
preparation and time away
now look at me with blank stares
seeking purpose, fulfillment.
What to make of this newfound time,
this gift, this opportunity.
What to make of my racing mind
battling unease
grasping for structure
where there is none.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Just breathe.
Step back and take another look,
at everything.
See the storm clouds rolling away
with every exhale.
Watch until your eyes believe
and your heart understands
that this will pass,
and peace has always been here,
and can be.
Between me
and my inner self
what is there left to do
but fight for her,
the inner me?
I need to set her free.
Dawning Words 