I live my life through the words I write
Some stories I write
I write to release them from my mind
get them down on paper
so I can forget about them.
First drafts rarely become final drafts
without revisions.
Writing out the first draft
of painful, heavy stories
feels easy,
feels liberating.
Revisiting them
is triggering
is painful
but necessary
to produce a final draft.
Prepare.
Execute.
Soothe.
No matter the degree
of mental preparation
of hours spent visualizing potential outcomes
sometimes
things just happen
beyond our control
and it is in those times where we need
love and compassion
above all else.
There are days
like today
I need the weather
to grant me permission
to slow down.
Fluffy clumps of frozen water
fall in a parade
beyond the window pane.
Hypnotizing.
Fighting my body
to move, to work,
to achieve productivity.
Fighting against will.
Sit, rest,
watch the snow fall.
This is needed, too.
Forced to take a step back,
to slow down, slow way down.
My body has made it clear
she cannot keep up any longer.
I remember a time where I could do all this and more
but times have changed.
My body has changed. I have changed.
Tending to her injuries,
reinforcing the structural integrity,
I whisper apologies
and promises to do better, to be better.
Change has forced itself upon me
and I must accept it.
I may need some extra love
and compassion
but I will make it through this
one day at a time
one moment at a time
one breath at a time.
Recognize what’s yours to carry
and what you can leave behind.
You cannot carry it all,
so let go of the excess.
You are worthy, you are enough,
with carrying only what you need.
Leave the rest.
Dawning Words 