Leaves remaining

Leaves remaining from last year,
maybe longer,
collect and accumulate in a pile
littering the ground with browns and dull greys.
How many layers are there?
All I see are the new ones on top,
hiding the older ones underneath
likely in varying stages of decomposition.

There they lie.
Rustling ever so slightly in the breeze
are the light, new ones,
settling motionless, heavy with age and water
are the the old ones,
the foundation.

Up through the middle though
lives a tree
growing new bright and green leaves
and blossoms of dark fuschia and cotton white.
So odd it seems
how life can flourish from the base
of death, of decay,
but my eyes do not deceive me.

Perhaps, the leaves offer comfort.
Perhaps, the leaves provide warmth.
Perhaps, the leaves supply nourishment.
But perhaps, the leaves are a hindrance,
keeping the tree in the past,
preventing growth.

Despite the offered comfort,
go the leaves must.
I gathered mine,
will keep gathering as new ones fall,
growing through and beyond
the past.

my past self

I turn around,
take a look back at my past self,
read old journals
relive near-forgotten memories
and I think of her.

I yearn for her,
the young girl who thought
she had it all figured out,
a naive romantic
a dreamer.

What would it be like
to step back into those worn out Adidas shoes
and take in again her optimistic hopes
of the future, of the world beyond?

I ache for her pain,
revel in her happiness.
Some parts of her remain
in me
and other parts
I wish to recover from the buried sand.

Four years ago

Four years ago you left us
to find a brand new home,
among the sunshine, cloud and blue;
time to venture out on your own.

Four years ago you left us
I remember it like yesterday,
away from home, I got the call
that you had passed away.

Four years ago you left us
I remember our last hug,
your strong arms and deep voice both still there
that today, still run through my blood.

Four years ago you left us
on all of us, it’s been hard.
You live on and strong, now and forever;
in peppermints, baseball or a playing card.

Four years ago you left us
I still wish it wasn’t so.
But I dream of seeing you again someday
and into your arms I will go.