in a heartbeat

Trust that everything you have done
has been for a purpose,
even if that purpose is hidden away in a fog
or disguised as something you do not recognize.

It was not all for nothing,
nothing ever is.

Trust that the light will shine for you
one day,
and that you would do it all over again
in a heartbeat.

with each step forward

I am walking along an unmarked trail
through the forests of a mountain range
where tree roots extend and appear
at the tip of my foot,
where boulders roll down the hillside
kicking up dust to infiltrate my eyes,
where I look for any small sign
of grass and dirt worn down by feet before me,
for I have not seen a sign for some time.

I hear the calls of animals
jostling through the leaves and branches.
Though I cannot see them
i assume them as more powerful than I,
with strength, size and a desire to kill
I cannot match.

Trees close in on me
as leaves become thick and air becomes dense.
I welcome it.
The pressure slows down my racing heart
and forces my chest to unravel.
Weigh heavy on me.

The only way out
is to keep along the invisible path
I make with each step forward,
whether small, side-stepped or stumbled.

I will know lightness again.

after some time away

Wading through the murky waters
of words that don’t make sense together
but I write them together anyway
hoping they can make it work
but realizing on the second read-through
that no, it doesn’t work.

Wading through the muddy waters
realizing how muddy they can get
after spending time on dry land for a while,
I cannot expect to jump right in
to the crystal clear blue lake on the first page,
or the fifth.

Trudging through the mud and the muck,
the frustrations, shame and self-doubt
squish out from underneath my boots
to float up and around me in a haze.
At least I’m getting them up and out
to meet them in the eye.

With each step, the mud recedes,
and the clarity expands.
Just keep going,
just keep writing.

end with me

Most of what I live in fear of,
in the shadows of anxiety
are circumstances fabricated by my mind.
They come from within me,
my own doing,
and break me.

If they come from me
they can end with me too.

easier with time

It gets easier with time,
I know that
I see that
I feel.

When it’s so hard at the beginning
‘easier’ seems impossible to reach
but it just takes time.
Sometimes, a long time.

I have always arrived there before,
eventually,
and I believe I will again.

bird in the wind

Believe you are stronger than the wind.
Take another breath
flap your wings a few times more
change your angle slightly, if you must,
but keep going.
Keep fighting.
Just when you think you have nothing left
the gust will subside,
and surge forward, you will.

Believe you are stronger than the wind
and keep fighting.