I live my life through the words I write
Lightning and thunder
alternate
sight and sound,
sight and sound,
shocking me into submissive fear
until I shatter,
and collapse.
Thunder rumbles through the ground
rolling me like water in a boiling pot.
Lightning strikes
to set me on fire,
then the thunder roars again.
Shaking
on fire.
Summer heat of sun
Autumn coolness in the breeze
Season transition
Turn off the clocks,
divert time away from these
external constructs of time
dictating arbitrary guidelines
for when things should be done.
The time of day matters not
if you do what you love,
if you tune into the body
and let it tell you
when things should happen.
To live in the moment
no matter the time of day
offers value
immeasurable by numbers.
Measure in presence,
truth, and love.
Yesterday
the sun never shone,
never emerged from behind the clouds,
hell, I don’t even know if it was there.
I existed in darkness.
I cannot say I lived in darkness
for I barely felt alive.
I just was.
Weights wrapped tight around my ankles
and a boulder on my chest
kept me in the darkness,
not that I wanted to leave, anyway.
What is the point of all this?
Today
I felt the sun penetrating my skin
while my eyes remained closed in sleep.
I see no clouds in the sky,
just the sun
beaming down on everything, and me.
I still feel the boulder
but my ankles move free
and I marvel at this gift of life
and light.
Tomorrow
offers only guesses at the sun’s intentions
and my mind’s interpretation.
I could check the forecast,
anticipate a plan to bring success and light
but it would be all for nothing
as history dictates.
Yesterday
I was handcuffed in the trunk.
Today
I sit in the driver’s seat.
Tomorrow
there could be a flat tire.
Up and down, and side to side
strapped tight into this roller coaster seat
I sit, blindfolded,
holding on to me, for dear life.
All I have,
is me,
now.
We can pretend
to act out of primal need,
let our bodies lead us
where we’re meant to go,
we can pretend
we’re living a different life.
We can pretend
until we can’t anymore.
When I imagine
how his shoulders would feel beneath her hands
how his arms would flex beneath the cotton
the pressure his hand would apply to her hips
as he leads her across the dance floor,
I remember how you led me.
I feel
whole
peaceful
beautiful
myself
until I look in the mirror.
If I stand here,
still enough for long enough
and breathe,
I can feel the heat of the sun
penetrating my skin
warming me from the inside out,
I can feel the coolness
of the soft wind brushing
and sliding over me,
I can feel the solid, firm ground
unwavering beneath my feet.
I feel the heat and the coolness
at the same time,
inside and outside
my body.
Open my eyes to be blinded
by the sun
dancing across the water
and a new gust of wind
tousling my hair.
Heartbreakingly beautiful.
See what happens
when you open the door
let your thoughts fly out
and share them?
There’s a chance of being hurt
but more,
a chance to be free.
Let me be vulnerable
and brave
enough
to own fully all that I am
no matter
how similar
or different
I am, compared to you.
Dawning Words 