I live my life through the words I write
I cannot assume
the judgements I cast upon others
are replicated
upon me by other people.
I judge others harshly
in anticipation
they too will judge me harshly
so I can prepare self-defenses
in advance.
But it is possible
that other people’s judgements of me
are different,
lesser than,
or even non-existent.
Imagine if they were non-existent;
the expended energy wasted
in anxiety.
Observe how parts of you
shift,
ascend and recede like the tide,
introducing a new side of you
to yourself
every day.
Passions peak and wane
to our pleasure or dismay.
Try not to make meaning
of the waves,
for when at last you do,
they will already be gone,
leaving you in the still, shallow water
gently caressing your ankles.
Sometimes
to find
authenticity
and embodiment
you must challenge
the constructs engrained
and choose
to build anew.
Tap into darkness –
that’s where poetry can live.
Cast light upon it.
I will not swim away or under from
cresting waves of my own making
or destiny
but I carry no obligation to anyone
to accept and withstand
brutality of crashing water
of their own making
when only by circumstance do I happen
to be standing in the projected path.
When a tidal wave comes
I can choose
to cling to my surfboard
to dive beneath the wave
hold my breath
and emerge on the other side
where clear, calm water awaits me.
Steps small, steps slow,
are still steps taken,
progress,
no matter their direction.
Even if no one else is watching,
knows your destination
or knows the space you’ve traveled,
you do.
You know.
The journey is long, and slow,
and relies on you to find, and lead, the way.
A worthy journey,
a transformative journey,
to love.
My inner self calls out to me
from deep within the walls of skin.
She yearns to spend time with me
for she feels ignored, forgotten,
unappreciated.
“Come spend time with me.
Let me show you who I really am
and what I need from you.
We have potential to unite as one;
we don’t need to do this alone.
I know how to access
all you’re looking for.
I know these depths within better than you,
everything is already here.
Let me be your guide.”
To see,
to know,
to understand,
is to love:
to love myself.
You keep meaning and meaning
to make time.
You think about it,
plan for it somewhere down the line,
but you don’t stop to think about the place
the line stops.
Eventually,
all the lines stop
and you wish to have acted differently.
There are days
like today
I need the weather
to grant me permission
to slow down.
Fluffy clumps of frozen water
fall in a parade
beyond the window pane.
Hypnotizing.
Fighting my body
to move, to work,
to achieve productivity.
Fighting against will.
Sit, rest,
watch the snow fall.
This is needed, too.
Back home
to reality
of the daily routine
mundane in comparison
to protected time in a bubble, for sport.
Back to the dishes piled high in the sink,
dust settled on the furniture,
the pen and paper on the kitchen counter
picked up every now and then
to note another to-do
not to be forgotten.
Back to the commitment
of, every day,
working to better myself,
carving away more marble from the sculpture
of the life I want to live,
bringing it into the light.
Dawning Words 