I live my life through the words I write
There are days
like today
I need the weather
to grant me permission
to slow down.
Fluffy clumps of frozen water
fall in a parade
beyond the window pane.
Hypnotizing.
Fighting my body
to move, to work,
to achieve productivity.
Fighting against will.
Sit, rest,
watch the snow fall.
This is needed, too.
Even if
I must sit here for hours
waiting for my mind to find stable ground
and step off the race track,
I will wait
as long as it takes.
If I do not wait for myself,
what I lose
is me.
To slow down enough
for it all to catch up;
the stress, the sleepless nights,
the self-neglect,
means sitting with the pain
for a while
until it dissipates.
Grant myself permission
to sit, just sit
here, with a glass of wine
and blanket wrapped around my shoulders,
eyes fixed, but unfocused
on the flickering candle
there, on the coffee table.
Sit. Just sit,
and do nothing else.
Dawning Words 