Acknowledgement is the first step

My mind feels full.

Full of characters:
their personalities,
their thoughts,
and dialogue exchanged with others.

Full of phrases
simple and complex
to live in stories
or essays
or poems.

Full of scenes
replaying in memoried fragments
requesting reimagination
and depersonalization.

To empty my mind
on to the page
requires a vulnerability
that, right now,
feels insurmountable.
Fear of pain, of exposure,
of inadequately capturing
my imagination
with words.

Acknowledgement is the first step.

first drafts need revisions

Some stories I write
I write to release them from my mind
get them down on paper
so I can forget about them.

First drafts rarely become final drafts
without revisions.

Writing out the first draft
of painful, heavy stories
feels easy,
feels liberating.

Revisiting them
is triggering
is painful
but necessary
to produce a final draft.

Prepare.
Execute.
Soothe.

re-writing stories

On the centerpiece, on the table
they have sat, unopened,
untouched save for the dust cloth.

Unwilling to admit my longing,
I fill my head with stories
of how the timing must be better,
not now,
to make the experience worthwhile.

The present moment, for months,
unworthy.

Unworthy
of experiencing the beauty,
the tranquility,
the magic
of moments like these.

Re-writing stories
by candlelight.