I live my life through the words I write
Fighting against a force within me,
I cannot see it
nor assign it a name.
It urges me to retreat, recluse,
hide away from you, and me,
promising me peace and tranquility.
I feel another figure
rise up to the challenge,
rationalizing with me against every promise.
‘You know better than this’,
‘You are stronger than this’,
‘You must overcome this on your own’.
I listen to the rational voice
and head its advice,
but the other, deeper voice still calls out to me.
The fight rages on.
I want to believe in my body
I want to believe we can do this,
that we were meant to do this.
I know she’s strong
I know she would do amazing
come through on the other side
successful.
I know she’s capable of anything.
I know her
and I want to believe in her
but with every month that passes
it feels harder and harder to believe.
Maybe,
I don’t know my body that well after all.
Let me be vulnerable
and brave
enough
to own fully all that I am
no matter
how similar
or different
I am, compared to you.
Believe you are stronger than the wind.
Take another breath
flap your wings a few times more
change your angle slightly, if you must,
but keep going.
Keep fighting.
Just when you think you have nothing left
the gust will subside,
and surge forward, you will.
Believe you are stronger than the wind
and keep fighting.
Too anxious to sit still
but too tired to move around
so I am here, stuck,
vibrating through my stationary body
with energy strong enough
to boil a pot of water.
Fight through the urge
to turn around, to succumb,
when it feels too difficult
in the moment
to push through.
Push through anyway.
Feel the initial resistance in doing so
to then revel in the pride,
and happiness,
of taking yourself beyond the hurdle.
Push through
to feel the pride.
Dawning Words 