I live my life through the words I write
It gets easier with time,
I know that
I see that
I feel.
When it’s so hard at the beginning
‘easier’ seems impossible to reach
but it just takes time.
Sometimes, a long time.
I have always arrived there before,
eventually,
and I believe I will again.
You think you’ve finally done it,
done it right and at the right time,
maybe this time it will be different.
No.
It’s the same as any other.
The pain from your mind, heart and uterus
submerges you in blood
until you emerge, days later.
The pain from the uterus may retreat
but from the mind and heart, does not.
It lingers
and grows
and swells for weeks
until next month, when again,
you’ll think you’ve finally done it
and then you wait
in hopeful optimism
that this time will be different.
One day
you will think of them
for the first time in a long time
and you will think you can go back to that time
when you were happy, with them,
but then you will look around
and remember
they are not here.
On that day,
I will be here for you.
How lucky are we
that the sun, with each passing day,
wishes to spend more time with us,
so she wakes early and stays up late
just for us.
People come and they go
at the tables next to us.
Young, old, male, female,
I could offer only simple descriptions
when my focus is you.
A reunion of sorts
with chances for real conversation
months in the making.
The hours pass
and tables turn over
until no one but us is here.
Time is never enough
until it has to be.
Will I feel those same feelings
I felt the last time
if I were to see you again?
If I will,
does that mean
I should never see you again?
The longer I stay,
the brighter the room becomes,
light natural and free
illuminates,
until everything feels different.
Time has passed, and brought change.
The longer I stay,
the more change I witness,
and appreciate.
Dawning Words 