I live my life through the words I write
Keep me in silence
oh mind,
let words not build in my throat
and escape my lips.
Keep the picture show reeling
behind my eyes, though open,
where I can be the sole attendee
and watch the scenes play out
over and over again.
Keep me in silence
as long as you can
so I can escape
to anywhere.
Trying to find the words
I want to say to you,
and nothing but the raw,
honest truth can capture
my thoughts appropriately.
Except,
to say the raw and honest
might destroy both of us.
So instead,
I toss around a few safe and
common words,
but mostly say nothing at all.
I tell myself, ‘it’s better this way’,
but my ruminating thoughts of you
lead me to believe otherwise.
When I wrote about you
I hardly had to think at all.
Words appeared on the paper
as if from nowhere,
or a power higher and stronger than myself.
Flowing like a river downstream
I had no choice but to follow it,
with words to describe you, us,
in hundreds of ways
sweeping me with the current.
I am out of the current now.
There may be peace in calm, cool water
but also discomfort.
I wish not to write of you any longer,
but I cannot find words for anything else.
Words repeated over and over,
laced with pure intention
but lacking follow-up action.
Phrased a dozen different ways,
but all meaning the same:
nothing,
when never acted upon.
Lose the mask, the facade of purity
and good intentions,
it’s time to break this pattern.
So many words
by so many people
out there,
telling me not to trust myself
telling me how to find my purpose
telling me how to take control of my life.
There is so much noise filling my head
telling me to do this or that,
that I cannot trust myself
and I likely do not have control of me,
leaving me in a disarray
screaming into a pillow
in an attempt to escape the noise.
I spend more time reading about
and listening to
people who preach what to do,
by the time I’m done
I feel more confused about what to do
than before I started.
Wise are these words, yes,
but so too are those within me
which have led me to who
and where I am now.
Perhaps they deserve more attention
than those screaming at me from
beyond,
as they whisper softly from within,
“I know how to help you.”
It was when I set my mind
to listen to the words,
not just the music,
I heard what I had been missing
that it was already there
all this time.
Buried deep, hidden away
and scarcely given air to breathe,
creation, and exploration,
live within us all.
In fear of retribution
or misunderstanding or judgement,
they reside in the deep, dark
corners of our self
where they are safe
but unable to grow,
to change,
to showcase their gifts.
We are here but a short while.
Take my hand
and step forward with me
into a new world of possibilities,
of freedom.
Step forward into expansion
and I promise you,
regret will not follow in your shadow.
When you can slow down time
even for an evening,
drawing all focus to yourself
and no one else,
actions, thoughts and emotions
bloom out of the darkest corners
where you thought that nothing
could grow.
I met souls like mine today.
In the same place at the same time
we came together
to learn
to share
to embrace the future.
Hearts that beat like mine
Minds that think like mine
Hands that write like mine
Souls pouring out like mine
surrounded me
and breathed new life into me.
I found myself again
amongst strangers
that I was yearning to find
amongst ‘my people’.
Maybe these are my new people.
I saw you coming, but you still snuck
up on me,
bringing more strength, brutal force
than I anticipated,
than I could prepare for.
You must have been planning this attack
for weeks,
just when I thought you were gone
you not-so-kindly reminded me
that you’re still here,
you’re never going away
and you will certainly be back.
That’s how you like it, isn’t it?
To study, stalk and unleash on your prey,
me,
when I least expect,
when I am least prepared.
However,
your destructive methods require some fine-tuning,
for each time I get stronger,
better, more attune to you.
You won’t have the upper hand forever.
Dawning Words 